23 October 2008

Change of Season, Change of Heart, Change of Plans

It's hard to believe fall is already upon us. It seems like only a blink ago that I was cheering the budding trees on to the fullness of their summer foliage potential. Driving through the mountains last week, I saw the Aspen leaves shimmering golden yellow reminding me that no matter how wonderful I find the warmth of the summer months, that even nature must endure the transition of seasons. Though I often vilify the dreariness of the snow-laden months, I must not forget that winter is the period of rest that later allows the beauty of spring to shine through. So it is with our lives.

Exactly one year ago my life transitioned into a season then unknown to me. As I dealt with my pain, my confusion, and ultimately the brokenness of my heart, the land of my soul was allowed to lay fallow--that the beauty of spring might once again emanate forth. Even as my spirit endured one of the snow-laden seasons of life, God has been ever present continuing to remind me of His love, faithfulness, mercy, and grace.

So much has happened this last year, especially these last few months. July brought a blessing that literally walked right into my life. August taught me about living our Faith faithfully. September brought challenge. And October has brought transitions.

That blessing who came into my life is no longer with me. I no longer teach little ones to read and write. ...and no longer do I have the blessing of spending earthly time with 4 others who were all here just six weeks ago.

Though much has transpired, God continues to work illuminating my mind, opening my eyes, and softening my heart ...and for these there is no equal.

As my heart has been softened and shaped in recent months, I have come to the decision that I am going to pursue my masters of theology at Holy Cross in January. God-willing, of course.
As a friend said to me yesterday, "it wouldn't be your life if things didn't happen 3 weeks in advance." I couldn't help but laugh as I concurred with her point. In some sense, pursuing my masters doesn't make sense yet in others that are a bit more difficult to see, it definitely does. Though admittedly anxious, I have peace that this is the direction I need to be going at this moment in time.

As I told another friend this week, I never would have imagined (nor dreamed!) this would be my path, my journey. For the longest time I used to have the foresight, the ability to see where I was going and what steps were coming down the road. Things began to change toward the end of my freshman year in college. Since then it has been as if God gives me the very next step of what I'm supposed to be doing and not an inch more. She asked if I would ever be "settled" and I had to tell her that I thought I would be at that place by now. I had to tell her that I never would have imagined that the last 4-5 years of my life would have been as they were.. but they have been. I told her in some odd way, this is my path. Though not the normal path taken by most others, this is this path I am on and, for all of it's abnormalities and detours, it is my path. 
So on that note, come January, God-willing, I will be making the trek to Boston. Although the New England snow will assuredly remind me that I am in the midst of winter, I anticipate that the changing season of my soul--though being harder to identify--will be upon me before long (if it has not already begun that awe-filled transition already.) Glory to God. 
As I move forward on this journey God has so lovingly placed me on, I continue to hold fast to the hope which is within me and look forward to seeing the fullness of the fruit that shall be brought forth as I continue to bear the cross of Faith, Hope and Love.

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