10 July 2008

Funny, huh?

This morning I was having an e-conversation with one of my closest friends from back home. I thought a few of the things I said in our conversation about a past relationship I had were worth putting down for my own records and remembrance.  

"...But you know what, something I’ve thought about is a lot in my life has changed over the last 4 years.

I once had a friend who dated a girl for a really long time.. like 5 years or something. They were going to get married like a year in but something happened and they didn't. well, as time went on, they eventually broke up. They both agreed that had they gotten married when they first wanted to, that they knew without a doubt that they would be fine even great together now. It's hard to explain, but it didn't really understand it at the time. but as I've grown more, I know exactly what they meant. I know that had we got together when we were both initially interested in the winter of 03, spring of 04, that we would probably be married now and have a great relationship. It's really weird I know, but I just know in my gut that things would have been "okay," as ___ said about him and ____.

but now that so much time has passed and so many questions have come up, it's just not the same.

It's like sometimes ignorance is bliss. And I really think that in some situations, you start out in ignorance but as you grow you see more of the light, and depending on the type of person you are, you're able to adjust things and roll with the punches and now, looking in retrospect, I think that's what the deal was with ___ and ___ ...and could have been the situation with me as well. .. i guess to put it in simplistic terms, we would have grown together rather than having the opportunity to grow apart since we weren't actually in a relationship with one another.

i don't know, does that make sense?

When I think about it, I sometimes think I've lived a little too cautiously. Not that it's always a bad thing, but sometimes I wonder how my life could be different right now if I wouldn't have been so concerned with being perfect and would have actually lived a little more.

you know it's funny because I remember being about 14 or 15 and telling myself that I want to look back on my life and not have any regrets. I was always so afraid of regrets that I wanted to live so cautiously so that I always made the perfect decisions so that I wouldn't have any regrets.

little did I know that my efforts at no regrets would produce just that, regrets.

funny, huh?..."

Definitely some unedited, off the cuff food for thought. 

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